Unable to sleep we strolled
through Hyde Park.
Past midnight. Streetlights wore
a dull halo in the misty rain.
We had a hotel in Earl's Court
three stories up. And you climbed
out the window and down the back wall
into the locked garden, to retrieve something I had dropped
It was the first time in my life
that I started each day with coffee or hot tea.
Cupping that steaming warmth in a travel mug
and walking off into the rain!
We spent an entire afternoon sitting on a railing
making sketches of London Bridge, a lamp post,
and people milling in the street.
We shared a set of colored pencils between us.
New Year's Eve was:
Supper at a corner resturant
a watch night service at St. Paul's
and riding the underground free of charge.
Unable to sleep we strolled
through Hyde Park.
Past midnight. Streetlights wore
A dull halo in the misty rain.
I liked this one, especially the haloes. :)
ReplyDeleteGenerally, I wonder if you could do something to alert the reader that this is a series of memories from the holiday (so that they don't expect each verse to directly connect to each other). Maybe something as simple as adding to the title? (New Year Holiday, Some Memories???) Or something with punctuation or symbol????
In the first and last stanza, I read it with the "past midnight" as one sentence with Park. Is there a reason you make them a separate sentence?
I like the steaming mug image but ending with "in search of adventure" somehow didn't fit for me. But maybe that's because I've watched too many episodes of Dora the Explorer. ;)
Also, it feels like you are eluding to the intimacy between the narrator and the "you" she refers to (midnight walks, sharing pencils, climbing 3 stories, etc.). I think you could do more to make this the focus of the poem, or not distract from it.
Several really nice lines and images in the poem. Thanks for it! :)
Ok, I changed the adventure line... thanks:) Give me a more definate idea (if possible) about how you think I could allude more to intimacy...
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of past midnight as the time we entered the park... not that we walked 'til past midnight... So I'm not sure of the best way to convey that punctuation-wise... Any suggestions are appreciated:)