Earliest memory: following a man with a shiny, bald head down the hallway of what would be our new home. I was two years old.
Around three, I collected roly-poly bugs with my neighbor, John, and tried to sell them to passers-by on the street.
Also at three: we moved to the country. I remember walking through grass higher than my head.
At twenty two I got married to my closest friend.
At ten, my family moved to a different state to make a new start.
At eight, Daniel always chose me to be Daisy when we played The Dukes of Hazard at recess.
At nine, I ignored Jeff when he called for help after a bike wreck (I never knew why I did this.)
At thirty four, I am happy to find a field of grass growing higher than my head.
At seventeen, I got a horse on Christmas day. At the time I thought it was the best gift ever.
This is poem seven from chapter four... I have a hard time with this very simplified and stripped down form of writing. It feels too basic, plain and uninteresting. But I posted it anyway to keep myself on schedule:) Any and all comments welcome... I will not be offended by negative comments as I don't like it too much myself.
ReplyDeleteSeveral great and evocative memories!
ReplyDeleteIt's only when I am to the final line that I get the feeling your are trying too hard to wrap it all up ("At thirty four..."). I think it would work better changed, or even without it....
Other than that, I would only suggest a couple of small changes in word choice and grammar, but they are not significant. :)
Any better? Feel free to mention those insignificant grammar and wording problems...
ReplyDelete